I have just returned from a trip to visit several East Coast college campuses and it turns out that what made the biggest impression on me was not the snow-covered quads of academia, the libraries bursting with volumes, or the tour guides with their perky combination of factual knowledge and unlimited good cheer.  What I will remember most is the look of dread on the faces of high school juniors as their parents humiliated them in front of tour guides, admissions officers and prospective classmates.

In one short weekend I witnessed countless examples of clueless behavior on the part of parents who seemed to have no idea that their college visit was not a personal experience geared solely to them.  On tours with dozens of people and information sessions in auditoriums with hundreds of others, parents insisted on taking up the group’s time with questions that pertained to their child alone.

During one info session a father asked a long-winded and excruciatingly complicated question about financial aid for temporary, non-resident international students.  Not satisfied with the answer he received (and failing to pick up on the admissions counselor’s obvious annoyance) he pursued his point with an even more specific follow-up question that was unlikely to have applied to anyone else in the room. Was it a valid question?  Absolutely. Was a group information session the wrong forum for asking it? Absolutely.  A question like that should be asked of a financial aid officer during a one-on one meeting or phone call.

On a tour later that day, a concerned mother asked a seemingly endless series of questions intended to find out if the dorm bathrooms would be cleaned to her son’s exacting standards – the other parents were clearly annoyed and her son looked acutely miserable.  Another mom held the entire tour hostage while she waited for the tour guide to explain how Food Services would accommodate her son’s serious food allergies. Our tour guide was a charming sophomore from Texas, but I’m not sure he was the person to whom life and death questions should have been directed.

It is clear that these parents –  while misguided – are acting out of love and concern for their children, but annoying the on-campus personnel is rarely a ticket to college admission.

Some parents seem to have confused a college tour with a TV game show, and think that stumping the guide or admissions counselor with an impossible-to-answer query will somehow win them bonus points – I can assure you it does not.  At the other end of the spectrum are parents who ask common knowledge questions – one dad this weekend  wasted the time of over 300 people by asking what the undergraduate enrollment of a certain school was (a fact he could have tracked down instantly by looking at a guide book or the school’s own website.)

My advice for college visit etiquette is simple and blunt: look around and realize that this is a shared experience. Do not ask questions just to hear the sound of your voice or to try and look smart. Do not try to dazzle the admissions people by asking a ridiculously complicated or obscure question. And try not to enrage other parents with a tunnel-vision focus on your own child’s particular concerns and requirements.  Following these suggestions may not guarantee your child admission to a certain school, but they will certainly make the ride home a lot more pleasant.