As the involved and loving parent of a high school junior or senior, you have spent almost two decades devoting yourself to making the best possible life for your child. You have made all the choices when it comes to preschools and educational toys, sports equipment and nutritional dinners. You have set curfews and limits on everything from driving to dating.

Now, as you and your child embark on the college application process, comes the hardest parental challenge of all: stepping aside.

When I say “stepping aside” I don’t mean stepping out of the picture entirely; parents are still a very important and necessary part of the college selection and admissions process. Your input, guidance and support will be crucial to your child during this exciting and stressful time.

Most students today will need and ask for their parents’ advice when finalizing the list of colleges they plan on applying to. Despite the obvious appeal of an adult-free road trip, most kids want their parents to come with them when visiting colleges and universities. And whether they’ll admit it or not, the vast majority of high school seniors depend on their parents for emotional support – maybe even a shoulder to cry on – when the whole enterprise threatens to overwhelm them.

But, unlike earlier decisions in your child’s life, this ends up being one that he or she is ultimately responsible for. Selecting a college is an adult choice – maybe the very first of your child’s life. As such, you need to help in a way that respects your son or daughter’s emerging independence.

The best advice I’ve ever heard on how to handle this delicate balance came from a college admissions counselor who advised parents to think of the college search as a road trip. “You belong in the car,” she said kindly. “But make sure you’re letting your kid drive, while you sit in the back seat.”