I was surprised and saddened recently while reading the second draft of a high school senior’s college admissions essay. Whereas her first attempt had been a personal and endearing glimpse at her character and personality, this revised effort included several pompous and awkwardly added mentions of her extracurricular and community service activities. When I asked why she made these unfortunate changes, her answer was weary and to-the-point: “My dad made me do it.”

Guided by the most loving of intentions, parents can be the personal essay’s worst enemy. Even more than their children, parents often get caught up in the competitve frenzy of college admissions, and the essay tends to be a common target of parental over-involvement. Despite the fact that guidance counselors, guide books and admissions officers all advise keeping the essay clear of “hard sell” descriptions of academic or other achievments, parents often insist on trying to cram this information in. The results are rarely subtle and often interfere with the theme and flow of an otherwise good essay.

Another trap parents fall into is simply over-helping with an essay – trying to change their child’s topic or rewrite the piece altogether. I can totally identify with this impulse – as an adult it’s tempting to think you can do a better job and it’s natural to want your child to make the best possible impression. But taking over the essay – besides being completely unethical – deprives your child of his or her rightful place at the helm of this process. And it robs the essay of the genuine and personal “voice” it’s supposed to have.

As I have heard from more than one admissions officer, it really isn’t hard to spot an essay that’s has been written by a forty-five year old tax attorney. So help your child with brainstorming and proofreading – then step away from the essay!